


everything is all that you dreamed

by ginnysweasley



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Established Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-The Raven King
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 09:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9434300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginnysweasley/pseuds/ginnysweasley
Summary: Adam finally looked away from Ronan’s face, trying to pull his hands away, but Ronan held firm. “That’s not possible, to feel it everywhere. Not for me, you couldn’t feel that for me.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> based on [this post](http://inkskinned.com/post/124193317954/one-time-he-and-i-were-sitting-in-bed-and-i-said). so, this is my first fic, like...ever. but i was inspired and adam and ronan's first i love you is so important to me, so i hope i did it justice. it's short, but like i said, it's my first fic, so this will have to do. this is un-betaed, so forgive me for any mistakes!

They were lying in bed, Ronan's at the Barns, a heap of warmth and tangled limbs. Adam’s head rested on Ronan’s chest, his fingers coming up to trace patterns along Ronan’s ribs. Their legs were entwined, bare, half beneath the blankets. A storm raged outside, bathing the room in shadows that danced along the walls as lightning lit up the late evening sky. Despite this, Adam couldn’t recall ever feeling more at ease. The rise and fall of Ronan’s chest, the light _thump, thump, thump_ of his heart pressed against Adam’s hearing ear, calmed Adam in a way he’d never thought possible. He relished in it. He never wanted that feeling to go away. He felt light, everywhere. Some emotion he couldn’t quite put a name on (or maybe he could, but it was so new, so foreign, that the thought terrified him) pulsed through him, down in his stomach and spreading out to his fingertips where they had stilled on Ronan’s ribs. 

 

“Where do you feel stuff?” He heard himself ask, his voice breaking through an what felt like an hours-long silence. He turned his head to get a better view of Ronan’s face and found Ronan already looking down at him.

 

Ronan shifted, confusion evident on his face. “What do you mean?” He asked, a hand reaching up to card through Adam’s hair. 

 

Adam didn’t even quite know what he meant, but he tried to explain anyway. “I…I mean. Anxiety is here.” He said, pointing to his stomach, remembering the familiar feeling of spiders in his gut, like they were trying to tear out of him, like he didn’t belong in his own skin. He hadn’t felt that in a long time.

 

Ronan’s gaze was soft as it followed Adam’s movements and came back to rest on his face. “For me, it’s here.” Ronan said, fingers pulling out of Adam’s hair to rest on a spot high on his chest, between his heart and his throat. 

 

Adam reached up to touch the same spot on his own chest. “That’s where anger is for me.”

 

Ronan blinked slowly, his gaze softening even more. He lifted both hands up this time and held them up above both of them. “I feel it in my hands.” His eyebrows pulled together in thought, eyes darting between his outstretched hands and Adam’s face. “Shit. I—I haven’t felt that in a long time.” Ronan nearly whispered, echoing Adam’s earlier thoughts.

 

A smile twitched at the corners of Adam’s mouth. _This is what we do for each other_ , he thought. He almost couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe he finally found this. But, at the same time, being with Ronan felt as inevitable as breathing.

 

They went back and forth like this for a while, until each of them had mapped their bodies with fear, sadness, joy, trust, shame, envy. A whirlwind of emotions confined to such a small space. Adam didn’t know how it was possible to feel so much and not get overwhelmed with it.

 

There was only one feeling left to name, and Adam couldn’t bring himself to say it. Words bubbled in his throat, a place where he sometimes felt fear, threatening to spill over. 

 

Adam felt his love for Ronan throughout his entire body. It was a wildfire, a blizzard, so intense he felt like it would tear him apart. He felt it in his hands, that he had run over every inch of Ronan’s skin until he had memorized every dip and curve and scar. He felt it in his stomach, where the wings of pterodactyls (butterflies had never been enough to describe the feeling) made him want to burst, to give Ronan everything he had. He felt it in chest, a deep longing whenever Ronan strayed too far for too long, and sometimes even when he didn’t. It filled him to the brim, made him feel the need to gasp for air and cling to the Earth before he fell right off. He had never felt anything like it before, had never even said the words to another person or heard them said to him, but he knew what he felt was real in the way it consumed him. It was like a dam bursting, and he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

 

In a rush of breath, Adam asked, “Where do you feel love?” He held Ronan’s gaze, but he felt himself slipping. He could feel the anxiety he hadn’t felt in so long creeping back up on him, creating a deep pit in his stomach. What if, for Ronan, love was a fleeting thing? Not all-encompassing like what Adam felt for him, but only sparks here and there, something that could be easily put out. 

 

As if Ronan could sense his doubt, he grabbed Adam’s hands in his, guiding them to his stomach. “I feel it here.” He slid Adam’s hands up and over his ribs slowly, traced a path up his chest. “I feel it here.” He moved them even higher, sliding over his throat in a way that made Adam want to flinch back and apologize once again for what he had did all those months ago, but he stayed still. He let Ronan continue leading his hands until they stop on his cheeks, cupping his jaw. “I feel it everywhere.” Ronan breathed. “Every part of me that used to be empty, that I thought would always be empty, feels so full. It’s overwhelming.” Ronan paused and Adam held his breath. “It never stops. I don’t want it to.”

 

Adam finally looked away from Ronan’s face, trying to pull his hands away, but Ronan held firm. “That’s not possible, to feel it everywhere. Not for me, you couldn’t feel that for _me_.”

 

Ronan’s grip tightened for a moment and then he released one hand to grip Adam’s chin and guide Adam’s eyes back up to his. “Everywhere.” He repeated. “I love you, everywhere. Not for you? Fuck, Adam, you’re the _only one_ I’ve ever felt this way about. I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember.”

 

And the dam burst. His eyes burned. His chest hurt. “I— _dammit._ ” Adam wiped furiously at his eyes, not willing to let himself ruin the moment with tears. “I love you too. Everywhere.” He couldn’t think of anyone else in the world he’d want to be the first person he said those words to.He’d been denied the feeling for so long, by his parents, by Blue, but never by Ronan. He’d never had the privilege of loving someone so wholly, of being loved that way right back, and now that he had it he couldn’t imagine ever letting it go.

 

Ronan smiled, bright enough to light entire cities, and pulled Adam closer to him. Adam reached up, lips a breath away from Ronan’s, and repeated, “Everywhere.” He closed the distance between them.


End file.
